Happy New Year!

However in this crazy wonderful lifestyle of mine, January 1 is simply another new day.  The calendar, day of the week, time of day etc… are all fading in importance as I learn to live day by day, moment by moment.

I’m struggling to find balance between a desire to plan and a longing to wander free.   I’m that person who loves to make plans,  be aware of the time and be prepared for any situation.  Yet I also love surprises, spontaneous adventures and being able to completely ignore the clock and the calendar.    I eat when I’m hungry, sleep when I’m tired, explore, discover, work, play, love, when I want for as long as I want.

While this lifestyle is an absolute dream come true, it is not as simple as one might think.  I have been so well trained in the world of order, schedules and expectations that breaking these mandates feels wrong, guilty, even lazy.   One of the biggest surprises I have encountered is the amount of self-force needed to do things that I really want to do.

It’s perplexing how I can wake up in the morning with a brain full of grand ideas, goals and tasks, most of them fun and enjoyable.  Yet when it comes time to start, I feel myself making excuses, being easily distracted and not wanting to proceed.  This is a very strange dichotomy battling in my head.  I wonder how many other people have a similar battle?